Leadership in Practice
Leadership – More of the foundations
A fast reprise . . .
The opening question in our last issue was, “What’s the very first step in establishing a leadership relationship with another or other persons?”
Thinking it through on paper, as I tend to do in these articles, I concluded that the first step has to be the creation and development of some form of attachment. This is an unfolding awareness that exists between persons which is largely subliminal but runs in the background all the time, providing the initial jump start to any leadership intervention. So far, no one has contested this, so I’m going to proceed with another step.
By means of a story about panic in a pub I demonstrated the power that lies in the deliberate use of our name. We are able to assert contact with another even under very challenging circumstances. We hear and respond to our names in a crowded room where we’re inundated with noise and distractions – it cuts right through.
When we are in a highly emotional state, the use of our name will induce instant calming, thereby enabling more reasoned responses than might have been possible otherwise.
Our name is magic, but then so are other things, such as family ties, shared memories, common experiences, membership in special or valued organizations, adherence to specific causes, and a host of other considerations.
We looked at the model developed by Dr Gordon Neufeld, as part of his child development work, to see how our senses connect us to issues of ‘sameness’, ‘belonging and loyalty’, ‘significance’, and then deeper to issues of ‘love’ and ‘being known’. These are varying degrees of attachment, becoming more intense at every step and concurrently increasing our feelings of vulnerability in the process.
Leadership, we stated, depends on real relationships with others, not on simple appointments or assumptions. In this event, I’ve suggested that attachment to the level of ‘significance’ is essential for success. However, if we form such attachments and then fail to nurture or enhance them over time and experience they can wither and die. Attachments too, can be damaged, traumatically and/or gradually, almost invisibly, and eroded by many factors.
Keeping the attachment alive . . .
Gordon Neufeld presents his model as a plant-like structure with attachment factors being represented as the roots beneath the ground – all of the issues mentioned above. He also depicts a stem structure showing the maturation process above the ground, representing the responsive behaviors which can emanate from attachment.
In brief terms these are adaptive, emergent and integrative in form, serving to stimulate needed changes, to grow and develop within a context and to strengthen and reinforce attachment and perhaps the ensuing relationships.
Let’s take a closer look at these for they are our ‘line of credit balance’ to use when conditions are tough. If we can build up some surplus here and also protect ourselves from unwarranted erosion, we’ll be able to succeed long after we’ve run out of our ‘grubstake’ of immediately available resources.
Adaptation in action . . .
The first stem is that of Adaptation, meaning that we mould and realign our attachments formed in the past and over time to serve the needs of the present and future more effectively.
Consider, Alan and Philip have been good friends for many years, ever since they served together in the military. They had been Junior NCOs in the same unit until Alan had been promoted to the more senior command rank of Sergeant and appointed as Philip’s immediate superior officer. Never-the-less their friendship had continued and even intensified when they returned to their civilian lives.
They’d stayed in close contact and spent many hours, and a few ales, reliving their shared experiences in the army. It was natural that Alan would adopt a leadership role in these relaxed reminiscences. Then Alan had made a personal career change deciding to sell mutual funds. Naturally one of his first prospects had been Philip, but it hadn’t worked out quite as he’d expected.
In spite of a flawless presentation, Philip had declined to buy into the scheme. Alan was surprised and non-plussed. He’d appealed to Philip on the grounds of their relationship of many years; he had pleaded his pressing need to build a client portfolio; he had even asserted his prior command relationship; it had all failed – Philip was obdurate.
The impact of this unexpected setback and disappointment was profound. It hadn’t occurred to Alan that Philip would not buy his proposal and he felt betrayed. Their relationship began to deteriorate even though neither party wanted this; it hung over their heads like a pall.
The strong attachment they’d enjoyed was deeply rooted in the past and despite the rehearsals over many years, it had failed to adapt to their current realities. Alan had, in fact no leverage over Alan upon which he could build his mutual fund, client expectations but he’d not appreciated or anticipated this. The attachment would have had to have been expanded to include more recent, more relevant attachments if it was expected to serve future needs.
Emergence in action . . .
Let’s take a different view of the ‘stem’ components – that of Emergence. This stage relates to the natural growth and maturing of an attachment – a function of the constituent parts as they grow and create different demands and expectations upon the parties involved.
Francine and Alicia work with the same logistics service provider. They first met over ten years ago when both were recent graduates from college and seeking their initial career opportunity. Over the years a great deal had changed – in both lives - but still their attachments expanded and the resultant friendship persisted.
Shy, young Alicia had been the first to throw a curve into their relationship when she’d met and fallen heavily for a charming rogue, Jim, who’d swept her off her feet, married her and impregnated her with her now six year-old son, Adam - and then deserted her. It had been a rough period, like nothing she’d ever experienced before in her young life, but Francine had been there for her and helped her through it all.
Then it was Francine’s turn; she’d continued to study and work hard and this had been recognized. Four years into the Company, she’d been promoted to supervisor and encouraged to acquire a professional designation. There’d been little time for personal dalliances and she’d certainly been alerted to the pitfalls by Alicia’s experiences. Then, with profound impacts, she’d decided to ‘come out’ and declare her different sexual orientation.
This did not affect her basic attachment to Alicia in any direct way although it did enhance her feelings of protectiveness toward her single-parent friend. Alicia had been devastated at first since she simply could not identify with Francine’s choice of lifestyle but, after a brief period, she reconciled to the idea and even persuaded her own parents that Francine was still the solid person she’d always been - caring, supportive and dependable.
Attachments can survive even ‘earth-shattering’ experiences and personal transitions. Today, Francine asked Alicia to ‘stand up’ with her at her forthcoming same-sex union with Joanne; Alicia hadn’t hesitated to say “yes!”
Of course events and pivotal decisions will alter the fabric of related relationships but the fundamental attachment, especially if deeply rooted, will persist and even flourish. Francine’s potential leadership influence over Alicia within the infrastructure of the Company can survive and prosper even though it may change direction in terms of surface expressions and behaviors. Attachments can indeed ‘run deep’.
Integration in action . . .
I’m going to take a few liberties with the final stem component – Integration. In our adult context, I’d like to employ it as persistence and resiliency – the staying power and the wriggle-room that we all need from time to time.
Mary and Brian were childhood ‘sweethearts’ who’d lived the romantic story to the point of marriage and a family. They’d been close friends, and eventually lovers, through high school and university; even joining the same church choir. They’d travelled Europe together, sharing risks and building memories. It had seemed only natural that they would settle down together.
The early years had been tough – never enough money, the loving burden of two children in quick succession and then ill health among parents; but then everything had settled down to a warm and comfortable routine.
It was perhaps too comfortable though and Brian had become restless. In his restless state he was vulnerable and, seeking excitement, he’d jumped into an extra-marital liaison only to be caught ‘flat-footed’. Mary had been devastated and, with her world falling apart, she’d reacted strongly and definitively.
As often happens in such cases, after a short period of upheaval and acute distress, they’d both realized that their love and attachment for each other was too powerful to ignore – they were miserable apart yet mistrustful together.
Ultimately, and with much pain and anguish, they’d decided to reconcile – for the sake of the children, of course, only to discover that their relationship was stronger than ever. “It was ‘touch-and-go, and I nearly blew it all” as Brian describes it, “but we’re more committed to one another now than ever before”.
When attachments are multi-component and fairly deep they can withstand the ravages of trauma and emotional erosion. They can also be extended to give credit – a level of grace beyond the bounds of reasoned consideration. There are situations, as above, which demand more from the relationship than might be assumed as safe or warranted but frequently it’s there. This can be the power of attachments.
Making it work . . .
Leaders may need to depend on attachments; it’s akin to saving up for a rainy day. However, to assume that because the roots are in position that the plant will flourish and grow is risky. The plant also needs to reach up into the light of life’s experiences and to be protected and nurtured as it does so.
As the plant grows the roots must be fed and watered or trials and tribulations will take their toll. We’ll pay close attention to the stem since it’s visible, but it, in turn, relies on what is happening beneath the surface – the invisible components. When things start to go wrong we often need a boost to the roots. In short, the whole plant needs our consideration and attention.
Relationships are the stem and attachments are the root structure and they are inter-dependent. Effective leaders never forget this and while they tend the flowering stem of relationships, they also pay close attention to the roots. This requires a careful, disciplined routine with frequent checks and balances to maintain full health.
Think about it, please.
I'd welcome your questions, comments and suggestions. We can all learn through dialogue and your experiences will undoubtedly gain more value when shared. Please contact me at david@andros.org.
A Note to our Readers . . .
Previous series of articles on the topics of
- Tomorrow’s Leaders – a model for SME organizations
- The Leadership Crucible – the ‘making’ of leaders
- Leadership Characteristics – a comprehensive catalogue of leader qualities
- Succession Planning – the strategic argument, principles and strategies, and
- Managing Change – every person’s guide to painless processes
have been summarized as discussion guides for those who lead and manage through mentoring and coaching. If you would like to secure a copy for your own use, please contact us.
It is a pleasure to share ideas with you and we’d welcome your questions, suggestions and comments. They’ll assist us refine and expand the essential value of these initiatives. Thanks in anticipation for your participation.
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